Monday, December 6, 2010

That’s all that matters

Okay, so this is something that I have written and rewritten a few times, but have decided today to finally post. Almost a month ago, Bug had surgery. Nothing major mind you. Something kids everywhere have done nearly every day. She had tubes put in her ears and ended up having her adenoids removed. Today she had her checkup and the doctor said she’s healed quicker than expected, and just being around her now, you can tell a major difference in her speech, walking, and overall behavior, but the experience up to this was, well somewhat rattling for ole Dad.

Up front, you have to understand, it seems like for one reason or another, we’ve been taking Bug to see a doctor, or she needed to see one since she was born. Fortunately, its never been anything major, but it’s been enough to keep me on edge, and every time something else comes up, it puts me right back there again.

To start it all off, Bug was 3 weeks, almost a month early. What felt like the entire pregnancy there seemed to always be something going on, to the point where there were a few times I was nervous going to the doctor because I was worried we wouldn’t get good news (and I’m proud to say, I only missed 1 doctors appointment the entire pregnancy!) Part of this is where she gets her nickname from me. When she was born, she was 6lbs 6oz. When we left the hospital she was down to 6lbs, 3oz. She wasn’t tiny tiny, but to me she was still little, she was my little Bug.

The next event came the same week as her four month check up. She woke up with aBug at UK - 4 mo fever early in the morning, but nothing too severe, we gave her some Tylenol and sent her on her way to my Mother-n-laws, who keeps her during the day while we work. It didn’t take long for me to get a call from my wife that she was taking Bug to the doctor because the fever wasn’t getting any better; it seemed to be getting worse. Fortunately I was able to get there, where they said she was running an extremely high fever and was dehydrated. I stayed in the room as they tried to get an IV into my little girl at ever possible location, all to no avail. Eventually it was decided to transport her to UK Children’s hospital. Once there, they were able to get an IV into her, start getting some fluids into her, and she seemed to start feeling better, only problem was, no one could tell us what the problem was. Once the doctors let us know that we’d be staying at least overnight for observation, I decided to run home and get some stuff for us, while my wife had her parents there with her. The drive is just over an hour one way, so getting home, getting stuff, and coming back equaled a little over 3 hours. When I left, temp was down below 100, everything seemed to be going good. I’m gone 3 hours, within 10 minutes of getting back and I get a phone call asking where I was. Bug’s temp had spiked back up to nearly 105, and my heart dropped! How could I let my little girl down? How could Daddy leave her and not be there is all I kept thinking. We were at the hospital for a total of 3 day, and I never left the building again until it was time to go home.

Since that scare, we’ve fought high fevers, and it seemed like we could never shake some type of ear infection. Finally about 2 months ago we took her to the doctor. She’d been having a little temperature and you could just tell something was wrong. Turned out both ears were infected. So they sent us to an Ears, Nose, and Throat specialist, who after looking at her rather quickly, decided she did in fact need tubes put in her ears.

My initial reaction was a bit of a stomach drop, simply because I didn’t want any type of procedure done on my little girl. I wasn’t really worried about the tubes, because my wife’s nephew had them before, and I had heard of other children having them without problems. The worried feeling was somewhat lifted as the doctor proceeded to explain the procedure to us, she would just be put to sleep with gas. She’d be out of our hands 10 minutes. Once asleep they would look at her adenoids and if they were enlarged, they’d go ahead and remove them. The more he talked, explained the procedure and what was going on with her, the more I felt relieved and realized that this would be very beneficial to Bug, not only health wise, but possibly development wise, and with the constant ear infections, she probably wasn’t hearing as well as as she could.

Then the day came. We had to arrive and the surgery center just after 6am, with a littleBug and I before surgery girl, who was relatively happy for being up so early, and not being able to have anything to drink yet. I was nervous to say the least, but keeping it together and just thinking it’ll be quick, and she’ll feel so much better for it. Then came the moment that I felt my stomach drop again. As they took us back to help put her in her gown and get things prepped, they let us know that not only were they putting her out by IV (not gas) but that the procedure would be around 45 minutes (not the 10 minutes we were told). As the nurse was telling us all this, asking the typical questions about family history, I have no doubt my face was pale white. I was already having anxiety issues about my little girl having a procedure done, but now that everything we had been told the week before has been thrown out the window?! I’m shocked I was able to keep it together, especially at the site of the nurse carrying her away from us as we had to walk back into the waiting room. For the next hour, I just kept thinking how the nurse just kind of took her that I didn’t get to give my baby girl a kiss or tell her I love her; they just swooped in and took her!

Finally, once our name was called to come back, we were able to talk to the doctor, who said everything went fine, tubes were in, and that they did take her adenoid out as they were blocking 70% of her passageway. At this point, my thought patterns changed. I just thought “70%?! My baby had to have been miserable!”

Now a month later, she’s checked out with flying colors! The doctor said she’s healed much quicker than expected, everything looks good, plus my skinny minny has gained a pound and an inch since she went in for surgery! Ultimately as long as she’s happy and healthy all the torture and stress Daddy has to endure for her is fine, and bottom line, her being happy and healthy is all that matters.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A night away

Tonight is the first night I’ve spent away from home since Bug’s surgery, and well, its not be completely smooth for me. Ever since her surgery, she’s been a happier baby overall; livelier, more talkative and interactive. It was hard enough for me to leave her this evening the way she was playing and trying to keep my attention, and it broke my heart leaving, but just a bit ago, I couldn’t keep my heart from breaking.

Basically, Bug is refusing to go to sleep without my there. Every noise she hears, she looks at the door and starts saying my name like she expects me to come through the door. I tried talking to her on the phone, and the excitement her had in hearing my voice brought me to tears, because as happy as she was to hear me, and even though she wasn’t going to truly understand, I had to tell her that Daddy wouldn’t be there tonight. Tried telling her goodnight and she told me “No” in her precious fashion. I’d tell her that I love her, and she’d mumble something back, not quit “I love you” but it’s getting closer now that she has the tubes in her ears.

So basically in the upcoming years, I’m screwed when it comes to travel. I’ve managed to deal with her playing with me extra, or doing what she can to keep me at home and from leaving, even chasing me to the door. Once she starts getting out “I love you” or the first time she says “Daddy come home” I’m not sure I’ll be able to stay away. I’m man enough to admit that part of tonight brought me to tears, hearing her on the other side of the phone, knowing she was looking for me and waiting for me to come back, but travelling occasionally is part of it, parents everywhere do it every day. It’s just the difficulty involved, now that’s she’s starting to communicate, was not something I had prepared myself to deal with.