@#%&*!

Aww....whats better then hearing your child first saying one of those magic four letter words they've heard you say? Not knowing that what they're doing is actually wrong, and saying it in the most embarrassing moment?  Fortunately that hasn't happened to me, and knock on wood it wont, but I've seen it happen to people before, and really, its one of those small hurdles to get over when your child's brain is like a sponge on crack, absorbing everything it can and spitting it right back out.
Actually, saying I've not had to deal with the cussing issue yet is something of a misleading statement.  I've had to deal with a wide array of circumstances when it comes to young children cussing. I have my nephew, while helping my father, his Pappy, run cattle, yell a colorful profanity filled statement, something he has heard my father yell, and was repeating it, simply thinking he was helping, not knowing it was wrong. It's one of those nice, innocent circumstance that people enjoy telling the story of and laughing about, while also enforcing on him, that he shouldn't say "those words".  Something you can make fun of in later years, nothing something you feel you should go hide your head over.
Then we have my son, who lives with his mother mostly 12 out of a 14 day span, with small hits and misses of an extra day for myself here and there. He's heard me cuss, he's heard me cuss under my breath about his mother, I won't sit and lie or act like he hasn't, but he's not around it a lot, or any familiar situations.  He's never once repeated me, never once caught me and told me I was saying bad words, to him, he's oblivious that they are anything but words, something I'm grateful of, unsure of its just him or the raising he has with his mother, but hoping it stays that way for a few more years.
Then, we have my step daughter, 8 going on 20, and a masters degree in all things.  She hears me cuss, admittedly, she hears me cuss more then she should, and is aware that select words are "bad words" either by being told by us or the school system. She is so knowledgeable that they're "bad" that she nearly had a breakdown over saying the word "piss" and being told she shouldn't say that, that it was a bad word.  Well, last night a curious event. She asked what the bad words were. Not metaphorically or in any other sense, but just that, asked what they were. So I told her, listed out the 4 lettered kings of cussing, emphasizing the mother of all words, and said hey, these are the worst, don't say them.  I mean how else are you going to learn, right?
I explained to her that they are not good to say and she shouldn't, that even my mom will still get on my case if I get into a good cussing rant, which has been known to happen on occasions, something my step daughter found comical, but also seems to hit home the fact that they're bad, regardless of age or circumstances.
So I mark it off as having 2 out of the 3 taken care of in the cussing department. No worries of a child embarrassing me by throwing an F-bomb in the middle of Walmart or anything like that. One of those small hurdles jumped and small victories celebrated.  Hell yeah!

The heat…..

I sit and look at the thermostat at 3am, it looks back at me, telling me that it is 80 degrees in my house.  The air conditioner unit is out, something completely and totally out of my control and it still has the ability to make me feel like the biggest loser and failure as a father and provider for my family. 

Why?  Why something, so completely out of my control have such a hold on me?  Simple: Pride.  This is my family, my complete family as this is my weekend to have my son.  So I have an 8, 3, and 1 year old, in a house, with no air conditioning except for two window units I was able to borrow.  Yes, the repair man has already been called and yes I left a message, but still, doesn’t help resolve my self loathing.

See, what you don’t know yet, is that this makes #3 for the air conditioning  to not function as advertised during this summer alone!  We started with being out of freon/coolant, which is fine, we purchase this house as half finished and knew ahead of time that there would be unknown problems the first few years, as we’re unaware of the comings and goings of the property before we moved in.  Problem is, after dropping a few hundred to recharge the unit, it failed again within the week, due to what was described as a crack in the coil.  So, after checking on warranties and such, and being patient for nearly a month, AND dropping over 5 on getting the new unit in, we were set, good to go!  New unit in that works great, electric bill going down with a more efficient unit, everything seems to be going up, then BAM, the new unit shows signs of running low on coolant.  Well that can’t be right can it?  It just froze over for some other reason, right?  Sure!  So, as I left work, being the last one out, I turned the unit off, giving it a rest.  Its been in the low 90s, with rain everyday, so my plan was to come home that evening, after letting the unit rest and defrost, kick it on again and in about an hour or so, be sitting in my nice cool house again. 

Well that was nearly 8 hours ago, and we sit at 80.  Obviously the coolant has found another area to leak its way out, or we have other problems, I will not know until later on in the day, but regardless, I sit here, knowing my family is hot, and it frustrates me beyond understanding.  Something, completely out of my control, has made me feel like I’ve let everyone down and disappointed them all.

Oh well, just chalk it up to another day as the irredeemable dad I suppose