A night away

Tonight is the first night I’ve spent away from home since Bug’s surgery, and well, its not be completely smooth for me. Ever since her surgery, she’s been a happier baby overall; livelier, more talkative and interactive. It was hard enough for me to leave her this evening the way she was playing and trying to keep my attention, and it broke my heart leaving, but just a bit ago, I couldn’t keep my heart from breaking.

Basically, Bug is refusing to go to sleep without my there. Every noise she hears, she looks at the door and starts saying my name like she expects me to come through the door. I tried talking to her on the phone, and the excitement her had in hearing my voice brought me to tears, because as happy as she was to hear me, and even though she wasn’t going to truly understand, I had to tell her that Daddy wouldn’t be there tonight. Tried telling her goodnight and she told me “No” in her precious fashion. I’d tell her that I love her, and she’d mumble something back, not quit “I love you” but it’s getting closer now that she has the tubes in her ears.

So basically in the upcoming years, I’m screwed when it comes to travel. I’ve managed to deal with her playing with me extra, or doing what she can to keep me at home and from leaving, even chasing me to the door. Once she starts getting out “I love you” or the first time she says “Daddy come home” I’m not sure I’ll be able to stay away. I’m man enough to admit that part of tonight brought me to tears, hearing her on the other side of the phone, knowing she was looking for me and waiting for me to come back, but travelling occasionally is part of it, parents everywhere do it every day. It’s just the difficulty involved, now that’s she’s starting to communicate, was not something I had prepared myself to deal with.